بِسْمِ ٱللّٰهِ ٱلرَّحْمَٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيم
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The sun shines warmly today and I hope you too, will wholeheartedly make today even more productive than yesterday. Before we start, let me welcome you with a brief prologue to the first-ever rant that I'm going to utter. First, let me ask you some questions.
Have you ever felt so overwhelmed just walking through your life? Precisely... walking through your life that is surrounded by flattery and shiny people everywhere you go? Are you an overthinker? Do you, at this very minute, still don't have any clue where to go after this life-phase ends? If your answers are mostly a yes, then you might have a clue where this conversation will be going.
In this technology epoche, everything was made easier than decades ago. Life within the house during the pandemic won't make it impossible to do anything you want. Say it for the sake of seeking knowledge, communication, a wide variety of online courses, entertainment. It is a waaay different situation than when the human race is faced by The Black Death plague in 1346.
Meanwhile, at this present moment, you can sit comfortably or tuck your body under the warm, fluffy sheet of blanket yet still being educated by one of Ivy League's professors. With access to startups like Skillacademy, Skillshare, Masterclass, Netflix, Audible, and an endlessly long list of wonderful platforms -- everyone could be whoever they want and inspired by anyone they chose.
Every day I exposed myself to look at some inspiring people and listened to wholehearted, educating podcasts made by exhilarating beings with unquestionable backgrounds. Say it entrepreneur conglomerates, educators, motivators, writers, musicians, film directors, minimalists, et cetera. Hoping that I'd somehow be inspired to be like them, or feeling how is it like to be in their shoes.
But the ambition, the dreams, the targets bizarrely pressured me. So much.
I think I overdose being so inspired, blood started squirting out my arteries.
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The downside of my action is, I started to compare myself. Yes, I compared my very short CV and life experiences to their one meter long extraordinary ones. Forgetting the fact that before these amazing people put that CEO label or 'founder' under their LinkedIn profile, they too have been through some horrid phases of life.
Their stories of struggling from zero to hero and goes back to another zero setbacks before they hit their pinnacle of success lit a fire beneath me. HOWever, I was overwhelmed with the ambition, the fire started to burn my brain out. Ironically, at some point, I started looking down at myself. It's then understandable that rather than gaining confidence, my self-esteem started to fade away day by day. And whoa that is definitely not a good news dude. 😰
I felt like I was kayaking on a stream with harsh current and suddenly I was facing the edge of Niagara Falls. Most people will probably look at this peculiar phenomenon of mine as something really dramatic, but sorry not sorry y'all. I was born this way. HAHAwhat no.
(Believe me, if you are reading these last 3 paragraphs skeptically with that smirk at the edge of your mouth, man I was indeed am laughing at myself too. And is it just me but does everything looks so dramatic when being left unresolved??)
This is why I have a very weird love-hate relationship with long holidays.
You got too much time to think and being left by your own thoughts. From the simplest of thought could lead to wild, irrelevant, and toxic thoughts. A piece of bad news for overthinkers out there. Realized I can take it no more, I decided to take a day break from social media. Contemplate, reflect, and would rather busy myself reading books.
Then, one particular chapter in a book I currently read slaps me. As if the book knows accurately what I'm currently facing. As if God knows when to pat my back (okay, I believe He really knows. Here, let me give you fist bumps, God 👊). The title of the chapter was Berdamai dengan Takdir, to make peace with destiny. One of the subchapters is actually a Javanese proverb I frequently heard back in my hometown. And as you can probably guess, it has the same title as this post.
Nrimo ing pandum.
Nrimo means to accept. Pandum means something that God had given us. Together, this proverb literally means we have to accept every sustenance God had given us. In one blink of an eye, we may get this proverb as an attitude of being passive and literally accept whatsoever is being served on the table.
In reality, in a deeper level of understanding, this proverb means the acceptance of receiving God's sustenance after days of hard work while tirelessly improving ourselves. This teaches us to sincerely try our best to do the work while keeping in mind to be grateful for whatever result is waiting at the end.
Whoa. To be honest, at that point it all seems clicked. In the end, it is gratitude that makes us live a serene life. As a self-proclaimed overthinker, I was blinded by my own ambition and ego that they rather crush than nourish my soul. My ears were deafened by the explosion of future anxieties that may never ever happen. I forgot to live in the moment.
There are reasons why the Latin phrase, carpe diem (according to Merriam-Webster, means the enjoyment of the pleasures of the moment without concern for the future) is being widely used as an Instagram bio. Life is actually a long pathway of flowers, hills, and serene bird chirps. But sometimes we weirdly exhaust ourselves by overly aiming at the end of the road rather than enjoying breathtaking views that surround us
Indeed I frequently lose sight of my 'place' in the bigger picture, as it is such a piece of cake to feel small in this whole gigantic universe. But at the end of the drama, we need to constantly remind ourselves that, indeed, we are enough. 😊
Every time you feel like you are lost, take a break for a moment just to look back at your journey you've been through. We all have to soon realize that it's completely fine for not having everything figured out yet. It's alright for not reaching your goals right now. Take it slowly, step by step. Isn't the most important thing is to keep going?
This post is indeed a reflection of what I've been through at the moment. We may come from different life backgrounds and ethnic roots. But one thing I know for sure is that we are all here for a purpose that is indeed to come. We should all constantly grow and nourish our soul with the right fertilizers and dare to decline the toxins that are being served in good manners.
Whoever you are, a complete stranger or some people that may have met me in the analog life. Wherever you are, whichever GMT + do you use. Whatever things you did or are doing at the present moment and even in the future. Whatever age you are now. I really hope that you, too, believe that you have that one particular thing that only you can share with the world. I hope, despite the hardships you are facing lately, you took a brave step into your venture for an exceptional life. I hope, you chose to become your own catalyst and create a chain reaction of wondrous life stories as you take the hardest step — the first.
I am so small I can barely be seen.
How can this great love be inside me?
Look at your eyes, they are small.
But they see enormous things.
--On The Turn, Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi
If you are wondering, I was inspired by a book by Dwi Suwiknyo, Lillah Tanpa Lelah. Tbh I hesitated to write this post because I was anxious HAHA -- lol, but that is another thing. I hope my untamed will of fighting my odds be ever in your favor. By the time you finish reading, I wish you are able to grasp some ++ takeaways from this peculiar post, I suppose. Thank you for reading, may health and happiness always be presence in your everyday life. 😇
Love and light,
Sintya💝
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