posts in category Bookish
Friday, May 15, 2020
Inferiority Complex, A Game Changer
بِسْمِ ٱللّٰهِ ٱلرَّحْمَٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيم
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Hello, Lieblings!
How are you doing today?
Despite our current adversity and keeping up adapting with the new normal, I hope you and your loved ones are staying healthy and safe at home. For those who are observing Ramadhan, I hope you are maximizing the last couple of days of Ramadhan. May Allah bless us with unconditional peace and tranquility.
After all this time being forced to stay at home and be left with so much time in your hands – does your mind start to get tangled? So many ideas may be overflowing inside our heads, suddenly our creative sides boost, and at some point, we realize that we got so much potential within us.
But then on the way of looking for some inspirations from other people to execute the ideas, we tend to... you know it. Compare. Too much comparison may actually make us having something psychologists call ‘inferiority complex’. Personally, I consider this as an alien word to me until a couple days ago a dear friend of mine brought this topic up. (Special credit goes to Rifka!💖)
So what does inferiority complex even mean?
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, an inferiority complex means a feeling that you are not as good, as intelligent, as attractive, etc as other people.
Still feel it’s an alien term by now? 👽
I wouldn’t lie, sometimes the roughest, judgemental, and meanest person to myself... is me all along. Every time my mind came up with a kind-of brilliant idea, there is a monkey voice on the back of my mind saying things like,
“Ohahah are you sure you are worthy of doing it?”
“Hmm I think you really lack skills at this matter, you have no chance,”
“Du-uh there are so many talented other people doing it already, your idea is no good at all.”
“Are you reALLY sure you wouldn’t be inconsistent?”
Yeah, monkey voice because 1) It’s annoying, 2) I can hear the monkey voice saying unnecessary trash featuring its high-pitched laugh, feeling good that I am slowly drifting away. Sometimes it gets so noisy here inside. The feeling of wanting to sleep to make the voices inside me stop saying unwanted things is unbearable. 🐵
Then, I remember listening to an audiobook version of Oprah Winfrey’s The Wisdom of Sundays a couple months ago. A book about Oprah’s spiritual journey and her wisdom towards perceiving what she believes about the soul and the spirit. It’s blatantly a shift-turner book that made me want to repeatedly listen to it. Long story short, this book is full of ‘aha moments’. What I find unique about this audiobook is that, rather than to ‘read’ the printed version of the book as a monologue, Oprah made it as a compilation of meaningful conversation with the guests – some, from her Super Soul Sunday show.
If anyone of you thinks this one is a doctrine of any certain religion, the answer is no. Rather than as what people may consider as religious, it’s more 'spiritual'. The idea of the book is getting wisdom from various (AMAZING) people with their inspirational perspectives towards love, life, mindfulness, fighting ego, grace, and gratitude, etc. Beautifully written words from Oprah that actually enrich your mind and soul I’d say.
In one of the chapters, Oprah talks with one of the guests, Michael A. Singer that is well known for his book titled The Untethered Soul. In a nutshell, he talks about this what I called the noisy ‘monkey voice’. There are actually a few lines of his book that are being discussed that I kept in my mental-brain notes until this point – though I sometimes forget. Should better keep it in Google Keep.
“People go through so many changes in the name of ‘trying to find myself’. They want to discover which of these voices, which of these aspects of their personality, is who they really are. The answer is simple: none of them.” (Michael A. Singer)
I was like. Dayumm.
Basically what Mr. Singer writes is that we are not our minds. To be happier, we should be conscious and aware of our role as only the listener, the observer of our mind. Those belittling, toxic thoughts? Dear, believe me, they are not you. Though those thoughts are out there, it’s your choice to listen to it or not.
As thought-provoking as it should be, he continues with a line that I keep close to my heart.
“In order to be who you are, you must let go of who you think you are.” (Michael A. Singer)
When I think of it, sometimes I’m being overly harsh and mean to myself. Covering the real painful words through shades of (toxic) motivation. Though I’m still dwelling with it and oh God, it is sure a hell of a ride. Cause, believe me, words that are spoken are not easy to put into action.
I was flabbergasted with the Instagram stories from an entrepreneur named Uma Hapsari, the founder of Amazara. Here is the paraphrased version of it,
“Ask yourself, are the judgment and fears are worth it to be heard and eventually stop you for reaching your dreams? For voicing the voice that you have, things that you need to say, to help other people who may need your help? If it’s not, maybe it’s time for us to let that aside and to rather focus on what we can actually contribute.”
We tend to blame society for giving irrelevant opinions and demotivating advice though in reality, it’s what we chose to consume all along. After all this time we busy ourselves seeking for who we are and what we believe, without realizing that the stars are actually within us.
(Oop what a very poetic paragraph I should be proud of.)
Hesitating to apply for a scholarship? Hey, trying is never a mistake. Been wanting to write a novel? Write it now! Start a Youtube channel? Podcast? Bullet journalling? No doubt, you'll get a handle of it. Learn to illustrate or to write typographies? I can't understand why haven't you even start yet as I see so much potential hidden in you. 🙇
Hesitating to apply for a scholarship? Hey, trying is never a mistake. Been wanting to write a novel? Write it now! Start a Youtube channel? Podcast? Bullet journalling? No doubt, you'll get a handle of it. Learn to illustrate or to write typographies? I can't understand why haven't you even start yet as I see so much potential hidden in you. 🙇
Now, I want you to name the most beautiful places on Earth you could think about at the moment. You may mention Bora Bora in French Polynesia, Raja Ampat Islands in Indonesia, Zakynthos Island in Greece, Niagara Falls in Canada (yeah as you can see I have an abnormal relationship with anywhere watery). And I’d never lie, those places ARE undoubtedly breathtaking and exhilarating.
But you know what, every time you are feeling not good enough towards yourself, I want you to Google picture those beautiful places and ponder about what God says in the Qur’an Surah At-Tin verse 4 (95:4).
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| source: quran.com |
Of all those seemingly the most beautiful and flawless places on Earth, even God says that we are the best of creations. As a reminder foremost to myself, let’s step by step accept who we actually are with all of the flaws while being more aware of the voices inside our head. In order to heal, we need time and that's normal! We are in this together and I believe, we could get the hang of it. ✌
You are you, and no other. And that is what makes you special.
Need more evidence to prove that you are ‘that’ precious?
I don’t think so.
Here is a little gift just for you to end this rough week, well done! I hope you have a blast today and find this post somewhat beneficial. 😊
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Love and light,
Sintya🌹
Saturday, April 18, 2020
Nrimo Ing Pandum
بِسْمِ ٱللّٰهِ ٱلرَّحْمَٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيم
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The sun shines warmly today and I hope you too, will wholeheartedly make today even more productive than yesterday. Before we start, let me welcome you with a brief prologue to the first-ever rant that I'm going to utter. First, let me ask you some questions.
Have you ever felt so overwhelmed just walking through your life? Precisely... walking through your life that is surrounded by flattery and shiny people everywhere you go? Are you an overthinker? Do you, at this very minute, still don't have any clue where to go after this life-phase ends? If your answers are mostly a yes, then you might have a clue where this conversation will be going.
In this technology epoche, everything was made easier than decades ago. Life within the house during the pandemic won't make it impossible to do anything you want. Say it for the sake of seeking knowledge, communication, a wide variety of online courses, entertainment. It is a waaay different situation than when the human race is faced by The Black Death plague in 1346.
Meanwhile, at this present moment, you can sit comfortably or tuck your body under the warm, fluffy sheet of blanket yet still being educated by one of Ivy League's professors. With access to startups like Skillacademy, Skillshare, Masterclass, Netflix, Audible, and an endlessly long list of wonderful platforms -- everyone could be whoever they want and inspired by anyone they chose.
Every day I exposed myself to look at some inspiring people and listened to wholehearted, educating podcasts made by exhilarating beings with unquestionable backgrounds. Say it entrepreneur conglomerates, educators, motivators, writers, musicians, film directors, minimalists, et cetera. Hoping that I'd somehow be inspired to be like them, or feeling how is it like to be in their shoes.
But the ambition, the dreams, the targets bizarrely pressured me. So much.
I think I overdose being so inspired, blood started squirting out my arteries.
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The downside of my action is, I started to compare myself. Yes, I compared my very short CV and life experiences to their one meter long extraordinary ones. Forgetting the fact that before these amazing people put that CEO label or 'founder' under their LinkedIn profile, they too have been through some horrid phases of life.
Their stories of struggling from zero to hero and goes back to another zero setbacks before they hit their pinnacle of success lit a fire beneath me. HOWever, I was overwhelmed with the ambition, the fire started to burn my brain out. Ironically, at some point, I started looking down at myself. It's then understandable that rather than gaining confidence, my self-esteem started to fade away day by day. And whoa that is definitely not a good news dude. 😰
I felt like I was kayaking on a stream with harsh current and suddenly I was facing the edge of Niagara Falls. Most people will probably look at this peculiar phenomenon of mine as something really dramatic, but sorry not sorry y'all. I was born this way. HAHAwhat no.
(Believe me, if you are reading these last 3 paragraphs skeptically with that smirk at the edge of your mouth, man I was indeed am laughing at myself too. And is it just me but does everything looks so dramatic when being left unresolved??)
This is why I have a very weird love-hate relationship with long holidays.
You got too much time to think and being left by your own thoughts. From the simplest of thought could lead to wild, irrelevant, and toxic thoughts. A piece of bad news for overthinkers out there. Realized I can take it no more, I decided to take a day break from social media. Contemplate, reflect, and would rather busy myself reading books.
Then, one particular chapter in a book I currently read slaps me. As if the book knows accurately what I'm currently facing. As if God knows when to pat my back (okay, I believe He really knows. Here, let me give you fist bumps, God 👊). The title of the chapter was Berdamai dengan Takdir, to make peace with destiny. One of the subchapters is actually a Javanese proverb I frequently heard back in my hometown. And as you can probably guess, it has the same title as this post.
Nrimo ing pandum.
Nrimo means to accept. Pandum means something that God had given us. Together, this proverb literally means we have to accept every sustenance God had given us. In one blink of an eye, we may get this proverb as an attitude of being passive and literally accept whatsoever is being served on the table.
In reality, in a deeper level of understanding, this proverb means the acceptance of receiving God's sustenance after days of hard work while tirelessly improving ourselves. This teaches us to sincerely try our best to do the work while keeping in mind to be grateful for whatever result is waiting at the end.
Whoa. To be honest, at that point it all seems clicked. In the end, it is gratitude that makes us live a serene life. As a self-proclaimed overthinker, I was blinded by my own ambition and ego that they rather crush than nourish my soul. My ears were deafened by the explosion of future anxieties that may never ever happen. I forgot to live in the moment.
There are reasons why the Latin phrase, carpe diem (according to Merriam-Webster, means the enjoyment of the pleasures of the moment without concern for the future) is being widely used as an Instagram bio. Life is actually a long pathway of flowers, hills, and serene bird chirps. But sometimes we weirdly exhaust ourselves by overly aiming at the end of the road rather than enjoying breathtaking views that surround us
Indeed I frequently lose sight of my 'place' in the bigger picture, as it is such a piece of cake to feel small in this whole gigantic universe. But at the end of the drama, we need to constantly remind ourselves that, indeed, we are enough. 😊
Every time you feel like you are lost, take a break for a moment just to look back at your journey you've been through. We all have to soon realize that it's completely fine for not having everything figured out yet. It's alright for not reaching your goals right now. Take it slowly, step by step. Isn't the most important thing is to keep going?
This post is indeed a reflection of what I've been through at the moment. We may come from different life backgrounds and ethnic roots. But one thing I know for sure is that we are all here for a purpose that is indeed to come. We should all constantly grow and nourish our soul with the right fertilizers and dare to decline the toxins that are being served in good manners.
Whoever you are, a complete stranger or some people that may have met me in the analog life. Wherever you are, whichever GMT + do you use. Whatever things you did or are doing at the present moment and even in the future. Whatever age you are now. I really hope that you, too, believe that you have that one particular thing that only you can share with the world. I hope, despite the hardships you are facing lately, you took a brave step into your venture for an exceptional life. I hope, you chose to become your own catalyst and create a chain reaction of wondrous life stories as you take the hardest step — the first.
I am so small I can barely be seen.
How can this great love be inside me?
Look at your eyes, they are small.
But they see enormous things.
--On The Turn, Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi
If you are wondering, I was inspired by a book by Dwi Suwiknyo, Lillah Tanpa Lelah. Tbh I hesitated to write this post because I was anxious HAHA -- lol, but that is another thing. I hope my untamed will of fighting my odds be ever in your favor. By the time you finish reading, I wish you are able to grasp some ++ takeaways from this peculiar post, I suppose. Thank you for reading, may health and happiness always be presence in your everyday life. 😇
Love and light,
Sintya💝
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