بِسْمِ ٱللّٰهِ ٱلرَّحْمَٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيم
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Hallo, Lieblings!
How have you been?
Lately, I’ve been busying myself with my university applications – things that actually bother people in the same high school year as I did 2 years ago if you are wondering. But that doesn’t really matter anyway. Back then I was actually didn’t get the hype of all my friends being indecisive of their choices and so-called path of life. Time flies really fast, man. I remembered the first day of Studienkolleg was driving me insane and suddenly this particular indecisive stress floods my mind.
In Germany, we are not limited to choose any university of our liking. Say it 2, 5, or even 20. You can actually apply to as much uni as you want. However I came to realize that the more options you have, the more decision you have to make, thus the more exhausted your brain will be. I don’t know if this is a normal thing to experience or is it me that overthink. I feel like this is a VERY big deal for me as this is the place I’m going to be attached to for the next 3 years. Yes, three. Officially you only need 3 years to get your Bachelor degree -- if possible.
I explored, researched, let that thousands of tabs in the browser tab until indefinite time range, let my laptop in the sleeping mode for several days, asked as many people possible, made connections with people from that particular university, and received good and the not-so-good feedback. All of this experience gave me thrills of excitement and fear at the same time.
I’m scared of going forward, fearing I wouldn’t choose the right path. But the entrance door has been shut closed. There is no way back.
I was actually looking for any enlightenment possible until I came across one particular podcast on TED Talks Daily – a mind shifter talk from an Emergency Room (ER) doctor named dr. Darria Long. She talked about changing mindset from ‘crazy mode’ to ‘ready mode’. My head is crazy noisy right now. Especially at the time being really indecisive.
In a nutshell, dr. Darria talked about the trinity:
- Relentlessly triage,
- Design for crazy,
- Get out of your head.
Let me explain.
1. Relentlessly triage
Meaning to decree challenges based on its urgencies. We all sometimes tend to respond to all of the challenges the same way. Individuals who couldn't differentiate threat and non-threat thus reacting the same way through every challenge has doubled the level of stress hormone. You can't do it all at once and you don't have to, because we triage.
There are some circumstances that force us to throw some work out of the list – things that are beyond our capability, things that we must move on from, even if it’s gut-wrenching. In the Emergency Room (ER) dr. Daria mentioned that the doctors there are being trained to ‘mengikhlaskan’ or let it be. If you wanted to do everything -- even things that aren't worth fighting for anymore -- then you’ll have no energy to dwell with the real majors.
There are some circumstances that force us to throw some work out of the list – things that are beyond our capability, things that we must move on from, even if it’s gut-wrenching. In the Emergency Room (ER) dr. Daria mentioned that the doctors there are being trained to ‘mengikhlaskan’ or let it be. If you wanted to do everything -- even things that aren't worth fighting for anymore -- then you’ll have no energy to dwell with the real majors.
2. Design for crazy
Half of handling the crazy is how you prepared for it. How can we prepare, so that the task will be easier to do? Plan, automate, decrease temptations!
3. Get out of your head
Meaning we have to shove away all of that internal screams and temptations to walk away. FACE IT. This particular part, I don’t actually want to summarize it. As it’s indeed a meaningful story. Here is what I kind of paraphrased while listening to the talk.
One day, a woman came to the ER for labor and I realize that the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck, not once, but twice. I was the only doctor available. I am indeed scared, but I couldn't let it de-rail me. We all get scared and nervous but it is what you do next that matters. That first feeling isn't the problem, it could be an important sign, the problem is when it derail us.
In ‘crazy mode’ our internal monolog started to catastrophize thus making us start to get that tunnel vision. We couldn't finish anything that way. Now, how to get out of our own head then? I tend to actively put the focus on someone else. I see myself in the arena — what do they need? what do they fear? and how can I help?
Research shows that when you prime your brain with what essentially compassion we disrupt that tunnel vision and internal monologue thus broaden your perception so your brain could actually take in more information – making you see more possibilities and make a better decision. Just try it! Know that your internal monolog can derail you. If you get out of your own head, you get on your way.
I didn't focus on what I feared, but on the mother and the baby. On things, they needed me to do. So I got the cord off and the strong cries of a newborn drowned out the sirens and beep in the ER. When I walked out of the room and saw some of my other patients in the ER, I came to realize something. Despite some of their own problems that had brought them to the ER, they've all come together to root for the baby and share the joy.
When you go from crazy mode to ready mode, others notice. They actually want to do it, they just don't know how they just need one example — which could be you.
This made me realize, hey, scary things that have been told as ‘testimonies’ before might be happening to some people. For example in my case, low probabilities of finishing the Bachelor in time, failure in exams, high standardized professors, highly competitive environment, and the list goes on.
But they are them and you are you. It’s kind of unfair for me to judge my self-worth based on other people’s experiences. Like what I did a couple days earlier. I was really scared hearing some people’s stories, but then a good friend of mine, Dila, told me: “Kalo ga ambil cuma karena takut gagal ngga cucok sih kayaknya.” – “If you didn’t take the chance just because you’re afraid of failure... it’s not cool.”
You know that particular time when you know what you need to be doing or thinking about, but need someone to confirm your thoughts? Yeup. Thanks dil, HAHA.
Design for crazy! Rather than giving up your targets and ambitions of reaching your ‘end game’, what can you do now to lower the possibility of failing in the future? Which steps do you need to take if you want your pinnacle to be at a particular height? The output is the game changer I suppose.
Let’s say we all know that Harvard University is one of the best schools in the whole wide world for almost all majors. But, does that apply when you wanted to be a wizard? Well, you need to go to Hogwarts for that, dude. Though you may be the smartest geek in Harvard and probably founded a multi-billon company, does that doesn’t make you be able to reach your dream of becoming a wizard.
Going to Harvard may be tempting. Knowing the prestige, the networking, the smarties of the smarts are there, and the data-based testimonies!! But again we have to triage correctly. Is this what we need to do in order to get our willing output of being a wizard? Again, our targetted ‘end game’ plays a gigantic role in our decision. Let me ask you a question, who do you picture yourself to be in 4 or maybe 5 years from now? Does that decision make you closer, to who you wanted to be?
At some point, we might want to choose a path that has a higher probability of survival rate (at Harvard you won’t have to be struck by lightning bolts during Quidditch, facing evil Death Eaters, or died instantly because someone said Avada Kedavra to you, duh). But even real data-based probability may not apply to everyone, including us.
There is still that X-Factors we may have that others don’t and vice versa. At the end of the day, how we value our worthiness towards any particular decision depends on how well we walked through the fire – how we cope with the challenges. The limit of others might be yours if you looked at it the same way as they did. But let me remind you that you are still capable into turn it into a challenge instead.
It’s in our hands to see fire as a life-threatening being or as the beginning of life.
Brave yourself to try. Face it. Adapt to the odds. Survive.
You know, sometimes it's not you that overthink the probabilities, but it's you that let fear controls your decision. Take the chance, HAJAR RASA TAKUT!
I really hope that you’ll soon receive that ‘aha-moment’ in whatever hardships or indecisive situations you are facing right now. Please, please for my Uni applications too haha, hope it all works out. In the meantime, stay healthy and productive!!
“The thing about growing up with Fred and George," said Ginny thoughtfully, "is that you sort of start thinking anything's possible if you've got enough nerve.” (J.K. Rowling in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)
Love and light,
Sintya✌
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