Hello, Lieblings!
How have you been? I hope despite all of the ups and downs, you'll always feel the warm rays of sunshine, shining through the green leaves, and may your face be always painted with a smile.
Anyway, I've been facing a major problem lately. You see, have you ever written one to-do list or countless schedules during your holiday and ended up doing only a few of them? Have you ever set targets and written study portions that only ended up as wall decoration? Have you ever opened Instagram just to check that one post, but turn out to stayed there for an hour straight?
Guys, I think we are on the same boat.
Good planner, bad executor. Or in Javanese for short: ra konkret!
At some point, I realized that I have frequently, intentionally following my nafs or my desires. I let it control me, steer me away from the better person I could've been. I’ve been wittingly following the urge to stalk countless people, spending waaay too much time laughing toward unbeneficial receh posts throughout the Instagram realm. I’ve been doing the same mistakes all over again, stumbling all over again. How pathetic is that I'm most of the time, aware of the mistakes, yet too lazy to change the comfortable ‘routine’. My ears and eyes opened so widely yet I don't have the willpower to fight things that fritter away time.
Stuck in this maze of perplexion, I impulsively opened Instagram and randomly found one IGTV by sister Aida Azlin. I was... flabbergasted. Just by that 3 minutes and 26 seconds long IGTV. Her teacher's analogy of picturing nafs really fascinates me. She said nafs (desires) is no other than a 2-year-old child that doesn’t know how to make a proper decision yet.
Every day, when we are faced with different crossroads and are constantly forced to make a good decision, step back. Step back and actually listen to the voices inside your head and your head. Classify the voices. Which ones are good, which one is actually having a big possibility to break you apart?
Most of the time I was blinded with my desires and spontaneously choose one path, that I might never choose ever again. But I’m having no regrets anyway. Experiences are there either to teach us something good or alarming us that the road is not leading us to a better self.
Fighting our desires isn’t easy.
I’m completely aware.
But there is a heart touching, beautifully woven writing from one Instagram account that I kept close to my heart, from companionsofkhayr. Titled, “You are not supposed to stay here.”
All of us have been through a lot of things in our lives. Some of them broke us, some helped us, and some left deep scars. Some of them are still cherished and some deeply regretted. But no matter what they had been like, what matters now is, how you look back at them.
When you look back at the difficulties of your past and the challenges of your present, you should be grateful that you have them in the first place. Because when something becomes difficult, it means you are doing something and going somewhere with your life. Looking at them only as a cause of distraught will only make it worse.
Everything in this life can either be taken as a learning experience or a balk, an obstacle that you think you can’t overcome. It is all a matter of how you choose to look at it.
You obviously know that each and everyone is facing some of the other difficulties in their life. And so you having them is not a sign or ill-fate or you being unlucky.
What makes you think that life has to be without difficulties?
Ask a 5-year-old child and a 50-year-old adult, both of them would say how difficult their life is.
And do you know what is the difference between those who are able to deal with everything in their life by the permission of Allah Azzawajjal and those who despair and see themselves as incapable of dealing with their lives? They are the ones who look at their problems as opportunities, or like a puzzle which needs to be solved and start learning how they can solve it.
That’s exactly what you need to do for yourself as well. You need to stop being dormant and start working on your life. And the first step to do that is to discern your problems. See for yourself, how solving this will equip you with better skills and make you a better person. We know that Allah Azzawajal doesn’t burden a person beyond it can bear, so what makes you think you can’t move forward?”
Wow, talk about an unbreakable chain of knowledge.
Anyway, being conscious of this 2-year-old child that is present inside me, is helping me doing better in decision making. Knowing which decision is actually good for me, not only my desire? Is this really me, or only my desires? By saying this, doesn't mean that all kinds of desire are ugly. Some do have good impacts on our growth! Don't let the existence of the 2-year-old child stops you from doing the good, instead, use that to filter things that you ought to do.
Before you buy that kind-of expensive, very very pretty backpack, ask yourself. Do I need it to buy it right now? Will it be beneficial if I buy it? Are there things I need to highly prioritize for purchasing rather than this backpack?
I pray that in every adversity that you are facing right now, in every crossroads you are going to choose, you will always find that sweet spot. Might not the one you like anyway, but what you need might not be the one you want... sometimes.
Until then, have a good day today!
Love and light,
Sintya💗
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