Getting Out of Control in Life

بِسْمِ ٱللّٰهِ ٱلرَّحْمَٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيم

Assalamu'alaikum.

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Hello, Lieblings.

Do you have fear?
About those things you have no control over, things you urgently need to do but just thinking about it makes you get headaches thus you procrastinate, or even that particular thing that makes you get goosebumps upon hearing it?

Then you, my friend is more or less having the same situations that I do.
Congratulations.
Okay, that one is a touch of sarcasm :)

So I was actually moving out of my apartment in Heidelberg to a city in a rather-middle-part of Germany. The fact that I'm getting out of my comfort shell not only excites me, but also gives me thrills. I don't know why do my last days here seem to be very tough and challenging. Things don't really somehow worked just like how I carefully planned it should.

I feel like I can handle everything but 'life' just like showed up and ta-da, it happens. At some point, I think God is giving me trials for nothing but hardships. I mean, I know I'm a sinner, too, but do You really have to do this to me?

For example, yesterday noon I was doing laundry. Here in the students apartments in Heidelberg, the washing machine and the drying machine are being separated, so after I did the washing thing I really need to use the dryer. Unfortunately, every single machine is still in use. Not every single one actually, but the ones that are finished still has clothes in it T^T I thought I should wait for some time but then after an hour I gave up since it was very cold. One. Hour.

My blood was boiling. I mean, please, you aren't the only one that uses this facility and I really have to do other cleaning things before leaving (a.k.a the whole apartment). Not gonna lie, I'm a little bit drama queen myself, but all of this 'moving out' pile of stress seriously makes everything seems so complicated at a glance.  In the end, I went back to my house and went to dry it a couple hours later.

Ask me why I didn't just take the wet laundry and dry it at my house and the answer is because I was washing bed sheets, winter jackets, and blankets. Waiting for it to dry just will take centuries. I need to finish my packing ASAP and send it the very morning the next day. At that time everything seems complicated as an addition I was blaming and complaining towards nothing.

Then suddenly it clicks.

Humans can plan but isn't God the One that has control over every single thing?
All these seemed-to-be annoying little things that I couldn't handle are maybe a reminder for me to stay grounded and calm towards everything. I know, I know. The fear of something uncontrollable is inevitable, but what else can we do except for searching for another best way possible if it doesn't work?

Life gets harder and sometimes is scary. This one I found on Tumblr may 99% depicts what I felt about getting older.

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Just as I think my life will just end dramatically,
guess what?

In the meantime of that one hour of waiting, someone had forgotten to bring their card to enter the laundry room (we need a particular card to enter the building as a key, just like hotels). I can see it in her eyes that she, too, was in a rush. I couldn't imagine how stressful it'd be if I wasn't still there and complaining about a lifeless drying machine.

Maybe it is us that think we aren't getting the bonus, but He sure won't leave us empty-handed.
It's just us that are temporarily 'blind'.

Complaining is actually our human nature, yet it is really tiring and endless. Buddy, I suppose you are so much more than that! I couldn't remember who, but someone ever said to me that some people think that complaining is releasing that 'negative' energy of yours, but then where did it go?

We have certainly created man into hardship. (QS. Al Balad, 4)

Life is hard, but I believe without those hardships we wouldn't be able to upgrade our level. Just like that mainstream quote on the internet -- "Everything will be okay at the end. If it isn't okay yet, then it's not the end". The fact that we are still breathing right now means we still have hope to move, to change something, to see for answers, even it seems just like bare land and desserts. But even desserts got oasis in them, right?

Take that chance to submit your scholarship documents! Take that exchange program! Register for that competition! Say sorry and compliment that friend of yours that means a lot! (Okay, that is way too many exclamation marks, sorry but not sorry.)

Personally, I think, if you are afraid of doing something that means you are going to do something reaaaally brave. Don't be afraid to ask for directions if you are lost -- especially to al Khaliq, the Creator. Tell your stories to as Sami, the All-Hearer when you got no one to talk to.

You got so much potential and surprises in you, that you haven't seen it yet. People couldn't see it because they are blinded by your light that is too bright to handle! Please, please believe in yourself because, buddy, I believe in you. You did well keeping up until this very day. Thank you for trying your best to keep on going. I'm so proud of you :)

My life isn't an interesting one anyway including this one. But I really do hope that you can take something and learn from it haha.

... But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. (QS. Al Baqarah, 216)

Love and light,
Sintya.